One of my workmates asked me if I did ever fall in love with someone. I blurted out with “Yes, but I was stupid”. This answer made my workmate curious and dig in more on the details. So I ended sharing a chronicle of my stupid-lovey-dovey episodes of my life. Some of it. From the I-can’t-stand-a-day-without-her days to Please-God-help-me-I-need-to-move-on episodes, I somehow shared those stuffs. While sharing this, I realized it’s been quite sometime already. Before, I thought it was difficult. I thought I would be swallowed whole by the pain I felt inside. But then, I am alive now. The now-me is talking about the past that I thought I can’t get over with. Well, it took almost 3-4 years and I somehow made it this far.. without her.. without the pain already. My almost-every-day busy job and supportive friends helped I guess.
I ended sharing while laughing out loud on how stupid some stuffs before. I admitted it was really very difficult. Love songs made me cry ( What a crybaby! ) . Every time I got drank, I had this urgency to call her. And after talking to her, I always ended up throwing or bury my phone ( Damn stupid lol!) . You could not blame me before. She was the first of almost everything. But things did not really work out between us. I mean it was bound not to work out (of course! lols) . From other’s perspective it might be impossible, but I made it this far. So I think if you really try hard and pray to God, things will definitely work out. Space and time definitely helped. It took long but the main point is I made it. It did not matter now how long the journey was. But what matters most are the things I did a long the way and where I am right now.
We have our separate lives now. She have awesome 3 kids and a loving husband. I am happy with the job that I dreamed of. I had cool and awesome workmates with me. And a bunch of goffy friends that made my life more interesting than ever. We still do hangout though with her and with our friends.
If I were to think of any regrets I had for those years, I had nothing but one. I hope I was not as helpless as I thought I was. If I could go back and do something, I will just say to my past self … “Hold on. You’ll make it through. Don’t worry. You’ll make it far.” I would want to finance my old self with enough money to go to gym (Lol).
So is past really past for me ? Well I could smile from it right now without harboring any ill wishes to her (hahaha) . So I guess it’s the past already. ^^ . No longer cry baby over love songs. And no more drunken calls to her. It’s now one of the topics I can talk freely over beer sessions without getting emotional.
That’s the past. And past is all there is.