Stubborn Personality

To those people who have known me for quite sometimes like my closest friends, they had a pretty good idea how my mind works.

If you hate me or have a problem with me, without even telling me, I won’t draw out the reason/explanation from you. In the first place, it is not my problem, it is your problem. I won’t ask you “Why?”. My personality is not a Confronter. Okay, I might be asking you “why” in an indirect way but I would not confront you about it.

People like me dont wag our tails to people who dont like us. If it is about work, we can be as professional at work as we can be. But there is nothing more outside from it. We also have a limit in patience. And once exhausted, those people who dont like us or impose conflict without cause will no longer exist in our circle. And that is regardless of reason. Pretty much stubborn I guess but that’s how my mind works.

I might have had destroyed some of my old relationships. But so far, none of them I regretted. Either it was already bound to end or staying will cause me more stress.

In this world, as you grow old, the coming  years will no longer be a contest of who got a lot of friends, what would matter would be who you can count on when things go rough and would be there to celebrate your life stories.


Finding a solution with a difficult person


Talking to a difficult person is tantamount to crossing a narrow winding bridge over a boiling river or magma. It is difficult in a way that this type of conversation summons our greater patience and understanding.

However, in scenarios that we need to find a solution (like we need to),  do the following:

  1. Before starting the conversation, remind yourself first to be patient and understanding.aid29851-728px-be-patient-step-8-version-4
  2. Remember to always stay focus on the topic.
  3. Set aside your personal differences or issues. I do understand that a troubled heart cannot be helpful in making decisions and might cloud the judgement of the mind. So in order to work this out, you must set priorities. If fixing the issue is the top priority, so whatever issues you have with that person, you need to set it aside.
  4. Gather all the necessary facts and bring it in the table.
  5. Speak in terms of the information you have. You will never go wrong on this.
  6. Avoid ATTACKING THEaid1584581-728px-handle-difficult-people-step-7 PERSON YOU ARE TALKING TO. Remember, if you need the person’s cooperation or ideas, you don’t need to climb over the wall just to get his/her side of the issue.
  7. If some of the information is trying to point out the rough edges of the person, DO NOT HIGHLIGHT IT. Mention it but present it in a matter-of-fact way. You might be tempted to exaggerate a bit or always repeat that part. DON’T DO IT. If the solution is not bringing the person down, then it is a waste of time.
  8. MIND YOUR TONE. Angry or condescending tone pulls up the defense on the person we are talking with. So rather than having a constructive conversation, we see ourselves fighting off on who wins type of conversation. And that is a waste of energy and time.
  9. After presenting the information and you need to listlistening-couple-communication-conversation-onoky-eric-audrasen to the other person, LISTEN. Don’t interrupt or give counter statements to almost every thing that person is saying. Remember YOU TWO ARE HAVING A CONVERSATION. So in a conversation, one talks, the other listens. So YOU LISTEN.
  10. After getting all the information from both side, you come up and agree on the solution.



If after all the effort you put up to make this work out and still the person is still making things harder for you, then ignore him/her. Note in your report or on whatever the document that you already made the necessary actions in order to make this whole thing work out.

In cases that solution was not realized because the person is really difficult to deal with. Well, at least you tried though.

Be console in the fact that you did your part. In a way, through this whole ordeal, you might know more surprising things about yourself.


D&D: Magical World of Etherum



The origin of this world is still a mystery even for the seasoned scholars and great minds of Kaladesh. All they knew was the world is like a floating plate on space. And that what goes beyond the edges is nothingness.

In this world, magic is part of each Etherian. But it only manifest at a certain point in their lives.

This world is made of 4 major lands & a sea:

  1. Kaladesh
    • The Center
    • Land of Science and Magic.
    • Home of the greatest minds and mages of various races.
    • Within this land lies the rarest arcana that holds great power
  2. Zendikar
    • East of Kaladesh
    • Land of Forest Elves
    • Home of the Ancient Tree “Adam”.
    • It was believed that Adam has been with Etherum since the “Dawn of Time”
  3. Innistrad
    • The West
    • Land of Secrets and Espionage
    • Home of the best rouges & mercenaries in all Etherum
    • An elite team of Innistradis consists of 5 once took down a whole city that had the strongest and most well trained armies.
  4. Oleyian
    • The North
    • Land of Ice
    • Home of the greatest fighters
    • At a young age, Oleyians were already sent to survive in the cold arid weather with only a bag of meat and a knife.
  5. Agean
    • The South
    • The Great Sea
    • Home of the Water Elves and Mermaids
    • Although silent and passive, the Ageans has been longing to reclaim what was theirs.

After years of peace and harmony, this world will soon be shaken by battles of light and dark.

Who will win decides the fate of Etherum

© 2016 Charles Anthony Lerasan All Rights Reserved

Dear Little Heart

Dear Little Heart, please listen to me.

I have something to say and it wont be easy.

I know you are down and sad lately,

Cause a lot of things happening that were not pretty.

Please hear me Little Heart what I am about to say,

But just to warn you this wont brightened your day.

But this is pure honesty Little Heart from me,

Because I treasure you so deeply.

You’ve been scared for sometime, Little Heart.

And you’ve built high walls that made you a Lonely Heart.

You runaway when Love came Little Heart,

And you chase Lies that deluded you from the start.

Please be still Little Heart and open up a little,

Enjoy  the pouring Rain and even the Drizzle.

Fear not the Sun for it wont burn you away,

And let the Wind take you very far away.

Take chances Little Heart cause that gives Life a Thrill,

Just be careful to draw the line between Fantasy and Real.

So I hope you understand these things Little Heart.

And I hope you grow Strong and live to be a Happy Heart.


Kissing Forever Goodbye (Chap#2)

Alarm rang.

Tony reached out his hand to stop it but he just tipped it off and it fell under his bed.

Geez, man, he said.

He stood up and picked up the clock and turned it off.

It displayed 6:00 AM.

I should get going, he said to himself.

He grabbed his jogging pants and sweat shirt as he made his way to the rest room.

As he went outside his apartment, he was greeted with a cold morning breeze.

I should hit 10km today, he said to himself.

He then made a right turn and started walking.

As he walked pass the Pub, he picked up his pace and started running.

Tony have been doing this everyday for the past months.

As he ran past people along the streets, he remembered who dragged him to this.

It was his ex-workmate Gino who insisted to join him in some of his runs.

Luckily, Tony got interested and since then it became his routine.

As he crossed the street, he noticed that there was a new store opening.

He made his way to the store’s direction, and noticed a familiar face.

As he went closer to the store, he saw a woman opening the store’s door.

The woman noticed him and somehow knew him.

“Oh Tony! It’s you!” she said with excitement.

He stopped in front of her and said “Hi! How are you?”

“Do you remember me?” she asked.

“Yeah, how could I forget? Stacy right?” he smiled.

“Who is Stacy? You forgot my name!” she said with a disappointed look.

“That was a joke, Lisa.” he explained.

Lisa smiled.

“It’s been 15 years I guess and you haven’t changed” she said.

“Oh I have changed. I am way taller now”, he joked.

“Alright I am short. Don’t point that out to me”, she replied.

As he looked at her, he remembered what a beauty she was back then.

She is now standing 5 feet and 2 inches in height. Slightly chubby but still have those sexy curves.

And those brown eyes that once mesmerized the 12-year old Tony.

He was his first crush and his first broken heart.

“Hey, Tony! Are you still with me?” she asked.

“Why are you spacing out? Oh I remember you had a crush on me before, right?” she added.

Geez, she remembered. He said to himself.

“That was centuries ago Lisa. I am way over it” He said.

“Really?” she leaned closer to him.

“Hey, what are you doing? People are watching.” He warned.

“I was just messing around Tony. But you got flustered easily”. She said laughingly.

“You never changed Lisa.” He said.

But that made Tony’s heart skip a beat.

“So what have you been doing lately? what’s your work?” Lisa asked.

“Oh, I am working as a programmer in one of the company’s down town”, Tony answered.

“Wow, that’s good to hear. Your also looking good for a techie type of guy”, Lisa said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”, Tony asked.

“Ahem” said a man on her back.

“Oh, my bad. I forgot to introduce my fiancé, Eric”, Lisa explained.

“Eric this is my grade school classmate, Tony”, Lisa added.

“Hi, nice to meet you Tony.” Eric said while extending his hand to shake.

“Nice to meet you as well, Eric” and he shook Eric’s hand.

“I have been here for months, but this is the first time we stumbled on each other.”

“How long have you been here?” Tony asked.

“We just arrived here yesterday. A friend of mine is actually the owner of this bookstore.”

“But she has an important trip somewhere so she asked me to look out for this shop” Lisa explained.

“Today is the opening. If you’re not busy, you can drop by later.”

“You might be interested in some books.” Lisa added.

“Okay, that’s good to hear. Maybe I’ll buy some.” Tony replied.

“Oh, I forgot. I need to get ready before the guest comes. We should be going Tony”

“Nice meeting you again Tony”, said Lisa as she and Eric enters the store.


“What was that about?” Eric asked.

“What? Tony? Are you jealous?” Lisa replied.

“It seemed you were all over him awhile ago if I haven’t been there” Eric said.

“Are you out of your mind? He was just someone I know before.” Lisa explained.

“You should not be jealous. He was just an old friend.” Lisa added.

“He’d better be. Because I don’t want to lose you twice.” Eric said.

“You’ll never going to lose me honey” she said and kissed him.


Tony then continued running but he still can’t believe what he just ran into today.

Lost in thoughts, he bumped into a woman who was carrying books and a bag of bagels.

The books and a few bagels fell in the pavement and got dirt.

“Oh I am so sorry” Tony said as he helped the woman picked up the books and what was left of the bag.

The woman looked up to him and did not say anything.

“Are you okay?” Tony asked.

The woman just nodded in reply.

“Good. Wait, I’ll replace the fallen bagels. Wait for me here please”.

Then Tony ran to the nearest bagel shop and bought a bag of bagels.

When he returned, the woman was no longer there.

Only a piece of paper was left with a note,

“Let’s watch a movie.

Pick me up at 7PM in my place.”

Tony got curious who the girl was so he kept the note in his pocket.


Phone rings.

Oh, what was that? Mary scanned the bed for the noise.

She was able to get a hold of her phone which seemed to show someone is calling.

“Hello?” She answered.

“Good morning, sweetheart! This is Ken”

She was never used being called with other names esp. sweet heart.

Bear with it, Mary. She said to herself.

“Oh! Hi. It’s still early Ken. Why did you call?” Mary asked.

“It’s 6AM. I have something for you at your doorstep.” Ken said.

“Okay, Ken. I’ll get it” Mary said with a big sigh.

She put on her robe and opened the door. There in the doorsteps are piles of books of literature.

There were 3 books. All were Shakespeare’s books.

“Wow! How did you know I love Shakespeare?” asked Mary.

“You mentioned one time you’d love to have one of his books. So I bought those for you” Ken replied.

“Thank you very much, Ken. I really like this” Mary exclaimed as she grab the books in her arms.

“You’re welcome. Look straight.” Ken instructed.

“Why?” She asked.

And then she saw Ken across the streets carrying something.

Mary smiled and cut the call and went to him.

“Hey what is that?” Mary was curious of what Ken was holding in his arms.

“These are warm bagels from one of the famous bagel shop here” Ken proudly said.

“Yeah, right!” Mary let out a laugh and added,

“Surely, it smells great!”

“Hey, can you hold this bag for a short while? I’ll go grab some hot coffee.” Ken said.

“Oh, sure. I’ll wait here.” Mary replied as she get the bag from Ken.

“Thanks, sweetheart” Ken said and he kissed her before walking away.

Geez. Sweetheart again. Why am I doing this? She said to herself.

She looked at the books and the bagels she was carrying and said to herself, “Stop complaining Mary. You asked for this”

And bagels smell so good. She said to herself.

Right then, she noticed a piece of paper in the bag.

She was wondering what it was.

May this is a note from Ken, she said to herself.

Out of curiosity, she carefully picked the note out from bag.

But before she could read it, a guy bumped her.

“Oh my god!” Mary exclaimed.

Because of the collision, the books and the bag slipped off her hands and fell into the ground.

She instinctively picked up the books and the guy helped her while saying he was sorry.

As she looked up and saw the guy. She knew him. He was the same guy she saw in the pub.

She became utterly speechless for some reason while the guy was asking if she was ok.

She just nodded.

I think he said something like buying another bag of bagels, she said to herself.

And she watched the guy disappeared.

She stood froze for a while then she heard a familiar voice.

“Hey, Mary what happened?” Ken asked.

“Some guy bumped me. And the books and bagels fell.” Mary explained.

“Geez, people these days. Okay let’s go while we still have something to eat.” Ken said.

“Okay” Mary replied. And they made their way back to the apartment.

“Oh! What happened?” Stella exclaimed as she opened her friend at the door.

“I was just a few minutes gone and some moron bumped Mary” Ken answered.

“Geez, That was unfortunate. Waaaah. I am sad for the fallen bagels! ” Stella said.

“Shut up Stella. You sounded like a 3-year-old” Mary said.

“Oh well, let’s just enjoy the remaining pieces then” Mary added.

“By the way, Ken. Did you leave some note inside the bag?” Mary asked.

“What note?” Ken retorted.

“Like a piece of paper” Mary explained.

“Nothing that I remember” Ken answered.

“Oh, okay. Maybe I had mistaken it with something.” Mary said.

The note was left off her mind. But the guy that made her speechless kept her thinking.

I don’t know him. But why I get this feeling? She said to herself.

Kissing Forever Goodbye (Chap#1)

It was Friday.

His usual day to go out to have a drink or two. 

It will be different this time. Because he’ll be meeting his friend Kara for a talk. She was kind of excited over the phone. I think it had something to do with the ring she had been wearing. I guess it’s finally coming to that, he thought.

Kara was his closest friend since middle school. He just knew Marc when Kara introduced her on a party years ago. She had been engaged to him for 2 years already. And the couple have not picked any date yet for the wedding. 

It’s 7:30 PM last time he checked his watch as he made his way to the pub.

He has been coming here since he rented a place a few blocks away. He loved the place. The noise. The smell. Everything here reminds him of the place he once called home way back in New Orleans. It has been 10 years since he settled in this town.

He opened the door and made his way to the nearest available table. It seems today was not busy. Only a few people came. A few girls on the next table straight ahead looking at him. One of them winked at him. She was in her mid twenties. Beautiful with a blonde hair. And inviting. She got beautiful legs too. I think I am seeing red down there. He thought and smiled at her. And she smiled back. He looked at her again and about to go over. But then, a voice at the back exclaimed , “Stop. Where do you think you’re going?” Kara blurted. And gave a glare at the girls which suddenly looked uninterested.

He said with a smile. “Don’t give that killer smile you know it won’t work on me”.

Kara was a beauty. Standing 5’10” feet tall with a vital stats of  32-23-33. She had a long black hair. Smart and stunningly beautiful. Tony was wondering what kept Marc from officially tying the nut for 2 years.

“Oh common. Don’t be like that. How long has it been? 3 days?”

“3 days? I can’t get a hold of you for a month! I was just lucky to talk to you yesterday”

He forgot. He was out for a quite a long time because of work.

“What happened to you ? Are you okay?. You looked thin. “

“Hey Mom, stop right there! aren’t you going to tell me something? I crossed the narrow seas to hear what you are going to tell me?”

Kara seemed to forget the reason of this meeting out of her worry to a friend.

“Oh yeah, but after that, you’ll tell me what happened to you okay?”

“Ohh okay. I promised.”

She settled down to the chair opposite to him. Blocking his view to the ladies in front of him.

“It’s about Marc. I think he is thinking about the wedding. I think it would be in a few months!”

“Wait. You two haven’t talked about this yet? It’s been 2 years Kara.”

“We already talked that we will take things slowly. I can’t put a pressure on him. He has been working quite a lot. Sometimes he missed weekends for work.”

“Okay. What made you think this will be the year?”

“I got a call from a tailor yesterday looking for him”

“Wait. A tailor? Oh common. It might be about some ruined suits.”, he interrupted.

“No. I don’t think I will be the last to know. I do his laundry you know.”

“Okay. So what about this call?”

“So this Menard guy told me that their meeting will be rescheduled next week due to some technical repairs going on in the shop”

“Okay. So the shop has been destroyed by aliens. So what?”

“Tony stop that.”

“Alright. So what about knowing this schedule?”

“Please just hear me out. okay?”

Tony looked at Kara thinking that it will definitely pissed her off if he will utter another rude remark. “Okay.” he said.

“But before that call, Marc wanted to have a dinner with me at Tiffany’s tomorrow.”

Then she shivered in excitement.

“It’s at Tiffany’s Tony! You know the place means so much for me.”

He thought, Yeah. The Tiffany’s. 2 years ago, it was Marc with four funny looking guys, serenaded my friend here. And asked her to marry her. She was all over it for a week. Talking to me how it was so sweet. I nearly puke of all the sweetness.

“So what do you think?”

“Well, honestly. You might be right. If it’s not the suits, it might be about the wedding dress”, he lied. He did not think of that.

“Really? I knew it!. Ohhh!! I hope I am not pressuring him that much. But I am already sending out signals that I wanted it this year”

“Maybe those signals reached him”

She glared at him.

“Seriously! I am not bluffing”

“Okay. I really looking forward of it tomorrow.” Kara smiled like a kid who is about to unwrap her gift.

“So, what about you?”

“About me? What about me?” Tony looking uninterested on the topic.

“Oh Tony. What are you doing with your life? You’re just all work. You haven’t have a girlfriend that I know of. Or are you swinging the other way” She pushed her face closer to him making him feel awkward.

“Stop, okay? If I’d be gay, you’ll be the first one to know. And yes, I don’t have a girlfriend. But I have more interesting girls not be befriend with.” Tony lend to his left and let out a smile to the girls at the back of Kara. The girls giggled.

“Okay okay. You’re not waving the pride flag. But what are your plans? When will stop raging fire to every women’s heart and start giving warm to someone you can go home to”

“Kara, don’t worry about me. You still have a wedding to prepare right? So focus on that.”

“But Tony..”

“Kara, I said don’t worry about me or my love life. I have more love to give to all the girl I want.”

Kara let out a big sigh.

“She really changed you. That bitch really gave you a big blow.”

“It has been 5 years Kara. Do you think she even mattered to me right now? Don’t give her that much credit.”

“Okay. Sorry for bringing her up. But I hope you’ll not end up alone, Tony”

“I wont Kara. I won’t”

Good thing Kara did not press more on the topic. And just enjoyed talking with him about his life so far for the past few months. But on the back of mind, he was thinking, when will all the search end? 


“It’s Friday! you should go out” Mary’s friend Stela exclaimed.

“No, I still got reports to do” Mary retorted.

“Don’t be like that. Ken will not ask you out if you turned to be a hag with a broomstick staying dark in this place.” Stela said laughingly.

“As if he would. He can’t even get close to a meter to me without feeling nervous.”

“We all know that’s because he likes you that much”

“Really? Do you think?”

“Yeah. As clear as the sky tonight. So let’s go. I already called him so he should be coming here any moment now”

“Oh you did not!”

“Yes I did!” then Stela ran to her room laughingly.

“Stela !!!!” Mary shouted.

“Oh you’ll gonna thank me Mary! I love you!! ” Stela replied

Oh god. I have to prepare. Stela I will kill you for this. Geez. She thought.

She  opened her dresser and looked for something casual.

A pair of skinny pants and a t-shirt, I guess this should do it.

She had a quick shower and dressed herself and face the mirror.

She can’t helped but noticed how fine she was in her late twenties.
Standing about 5’7″ feet tall with statistics of 32-23-34.
All those work out vids and yoga really paid off.

Then the bell rang, she knew it was Ken.

Wait a minute. She replied

When she opened the door, there stood a man in his early twenties with washed up jeans and leather jacket.

For a minute, Ken looked like some actor in one of action movies she was watching.

“Hi Mary. Good evening. Stela called asking if I wanted to come with you tonight. Would you mind?”

“Oh no she shouldn’t.” Stela appeared at her back.

“Off we go!” She added. Mary has no time to reply and just let her friend drag her.

They arrived about 7:30 PM.

As Stela opened the door, welcome ladies and gentlemen, this is the Pub.

Mary entered and can’t help but noticed the walls are a variety of brown hues that glow golden from the yellow lights hanging from the rafters. The interior has a warm glow to it to have a homey feel. She missed home.

Common, let sit there. Stela said.

They made their way at the far left table. And order something to eat.

While eating, she can’t helped but notice a guy talking to woman from the table right to them. 
What a great couple. She thought.

The woman was a beauty.

And the guy. She looked closely as if the surrounding was disappearing.

The guy I think was about 6 feet tall. Quite thin but toned. He got this weird smile he kept giving to the girls from the table in front of them. This clearly pisses off the woman he was with.

Why is he doing that? She wondered.

Hey! Stela interrupted her.

What the hell are you doing? You looked like you are about to cast a spell or something.

Ken looked puzzled as well.

No nothing. I just thought of something. Mary answered.

So how was work? Ken asked

Wrong question! Don’t asked her about work. Stela interrupted.

Geez Ken. I know you been wanting to ask her about…

Stela, that’s enough already. Mary interrupted and glared at Stela.

Okay okay I will stop. I will go right over there to give you sometime together, lovebirds!

Then she made her to the next table talking to some strangers they don’t know.

Sorry about that. She is just like that sometimes but she is really good. Mary explained.

No problem. I think I pisses her off. Ken replied.

No not really. Mary smiled.

About last summer, the thing I asked you about, what do you think?

What about it? Mary asked.

He referred to one night last summer when he asked to be his girlfriend. That time Mary was preparing for some big deal in her work that she replied to think about it.

What is your answer? Ken asked.

She looked at Ken.
He was gorgeous, dark wavy hair, smooth thin face.

But there was no spark.

They’ve been friends for 7 years. And just last summer he just changed from being her friend to her lover.

Those 7 years might be put to waste if I broke his heart. She thought.

Okay She said.

Okay. You mean yes? Ken who seemed to be someone about to win a lottery ticket.

Yes. She replied.

Woah! Yes! Ken shouted. Wohooo!

Thank you he said and kissed her.

Okay, settle your self. Mary said.

Oh! Finally! Congrats to the both of you. Stela appeared to their table with a tray of beers.

Have these you two. And Cheers!!

It was a long night for Mary. Maybe because other than saving the friendship she had, she lied to her self. In her heart, she is hoping that maybe in the coming days, she might learn to love him.

Kissing Forever Goodbye (A Short Novel)


One long kiss would have not mean anything to Tony if it wasn’t with her. He was a woman’s guy or so he thought he was before he stumbled upon her. He couldn’t help but be dazzled by her smile. I can’t be in love. I just can’t. He thought. But would he deny the longing to see her again?


He’s just some guy. Nothing special. Mary thought as she made herself busy reading her report for tomorrow. She couldn’t afford to think of him right now. She will become one of the top executives in her company. No time to be out focused. She told her self. But then she stopped and thought, would he be the right guy? Or maybe not. Kissing forever goodbye is your typical love story. Nothing special. Nothing glamorously fictitious. It just about love finding it’s way to two people who either deny it’s existence or misinterpreted it as something else.

Running is not An Excuse


This article will not tackle on who’s educated or not. Cause I don’t know anyone in the pic. But I want to share my POV and observation on this matter as a runner for 2 years.

During running events, plastic cups and foams all around.
Whenever I run, I bring my cup with me if I cant find a garbage can or bin.
It’s not that heavy to affect my pace.

So I wondered why all those people running are throwing those stuff whenever they are done with them? Does throwing those in any direction gives them a boost on speed? Or does that make them look cool or awesome?
In my POV, no, it wont. Sorry, they just look stupid because you can find a garbage bin a few meters away.

I love and enjoy fun runs and marathon cause I see lots of people of different walks of life, young & old, trying their best achieving the same goal as mine, to reach that finish line.

But what pisses me off mostly is seeing this scenario in ALL RUNS I had (both Government and Private sponsored runs).
I always get reminded how irresponsible people could get.

Sad really when we are trying to be FIT AND HEALTHY WITHIN but our attitude towards our environment still sucks.

I really would like to URGE THE ORGANIZERS TO STOP PROVIDING CUPS AND FOAMS in events like this. They should encourage people to bring their water bottles. Let’s teach ourselves to be responsible. Cebu or anywhere in the world, let’s all have garbage-free runs or marathons!

I am a RUNNER.
And finishing my marathon and runs is NOT MY EXCUSE TO BE IRRESPONSIBLE.



PS. This article was grabbed from my official FB Page

The Dreamer

A deafening noise I could hear from afar,
There was a voice that says I should look up above for a star.
I looked up but the light brought darkness into my eyes,
And I wonder, does the voice wanted me to be blind?
As I lower my head in panic, I stumbled;
And on my knees, I felt the ground suddenly rumbled.
“What was coming?” I shouted for I couldn’t see,
The fear of the unknown came into me.
The noise grew louder and the rumbling came closing in,
And in fright, I could hear my heart loudly beating.
But when I pulled myself up and started to run,
In the last minute, the noise and rumbling was gone.
I started to calm down and adjusted my sight,
Because I wanted to see what caused my fright,
And then I saw a figure of someone in front of me,
And then hugged me and said these words to me.
“It will be okay. I drove them away”
“Don’t be afraid, I am here to stay”
For some reason, my tears came falling like rain that day,
And I couldn’t muster the words to say.
Then I woke up and realized I was only dreaming,
But this dream gave me a heavy heart feeling.
A mystery was the person who was with me,
I dont even know if that person existed in reality.
In my heart I hope we meet someday.
For there are things I wanted to say.
Up to this very day, this is still a mystery,
Of who was that person who pulled me up and stayed with me.

Past is past… really?

One of my workmates asked me if I did ever fall in love with someone. I blurted out with “Yes, but I was stupid”. This answer made my workmate curious and dig in more on the details. So I ended sharing a chronicle of my stupid-lovey-dovey episodes of my life. Some of it. From the I-can’t-stand-a-day-without-her days to Please-God-help-me-I-need-to-move-on episodes, I somehow shared those stuffs. While sharing this, I realized it’s been quite sometime already. Before, I thought it was difficult. I thought I would be swallowed whole by the pain I felt inside. But then, I am alive now. The now-me is talking about the past that I thought I can’t get over with. Well, it took almost 3-4 years and I somehow made it this far.. without her.. without the pain already. My almost-every-day busy job and supportive friends helped I guess.

I ended sharing while laughing out loud on how stupid some stuffs before. I admitted it was really very difficult. Love songs made me cry ( What a crybaby! ) . Every time I got drank, I had this urgency to call her. And after talking to her, I always ended up throwing or bury my phone ( Damn stupid lol!) . You could not blame me before. She was the first of almost everything. But things did not really work out between us. I mean it was bound not to work out (of course! lols) . From other’s perspective it might be impossible, but I made it this far. So I think if you really try hard and pray to God, things will definitely work out. Space and time definitely helped. It took long but the main point is I made it. It did not matter now how long the journey was. But what matters most are the things I did a long the way and where I am right now.

We have our separate lives now. She have awesome 3 kids and a loving husband. I am happy with the job that I dreamed of. I had cool and awesome workmates with me. And a bunch of goffy friends that made my life more interesting than ever. We still do hangout though with her and with our friends.

If I were to think of any regrets I had for those years, I had nothing but one. I hope I was not as helpless as I thought I was. If I could go back and do something, I will just say to my past self … “Hold on. You’ll make it through. Don’t worry. You’ll make it far.” I would want to finance my old self with enough money to go to gym (Lol).

So is past really past for me ? Well I could smile from it right now without harboring any ill wishes to her (hahaha) . So I guess it’s the past already. ^^ . No longer cry baby over love songs. And no more drunken calls to her. It’s now one of the topics I can talk freely over beer sessions without getting emotional.

That’s the past. And past is all there is.